Buzz Off Bumper Sticker!

Everyone has them; those irksome little things that make your blood boil for absolutely no reason. Their little bug bear, something that irritates them beyond the point of rationality. May be its TV chefs and the way they manage to effortlessly whip up something right every time, or wasps, or the way your boyfriend leaves the milk on the side yet never seems surprised that it flies back into the fridge all by itself… whatever your issue may be, I would put money on the fact that you have one.

Mine is bumper stickers. They’re awful!

Bumper stickers have no redeeming features. Often supported by the chav, or balding man, the bumper sticker is a sign of trying to act cool and regain lost youth in the case of the latter.

“Honk if you love dance music” No thank you, I don’t honk on demand.

“Princess on board” REALLY? Wow, that is fantastic. Most have drivers, how retro of you.

And my least favourite “Baby on board”. Even i know that this one is irrational, but it causes me massive aggravation as it implies that you would happily plough into the back of the person in front, was it not for the fact that they had a rug rat in the back.

Car Insurance companies must also hate them. The writing on these elaborate stickers is often so minute, that the brokers must get some of the slightly less intelligent of the species calling up to report an accident, the crux being that they drove into the back of someone whilst trying to read that they indeed, love Wales.

I just don’t get them. Why would you want to advertise to complete strangers that you a) have a dog b) love your dog or c) hate dogs? They are written by the individuals among us that use irritating phrases, such as “that really gets my goat!” (A commonplace pet in the British home) and “hence why” (meaning the same thing, almost as pointless as saying “why why?” )And “I’m not being funny, but …”.

So, to the people responsible for circulating these annoying stickers, please, stop. If not for the sanity of the country then just for mine. That would be great. many thanks.

Think about it. And I’m really sorry if, after reading this, you have just acquired another bugbear. Rant over.